Love is Always First...

As a parent, there are so many challenges we face when it comes to raising our kids. Our goal as parents is hopefully to give our kids a head start in life and place them in a position ahead of where we started to continue an upward climb. We, at times, try hard to protect our children and keep them from the dangers of the world and guide them safely to a better outcome. Sometimes, the obstacles that our children endure, unfortunately come from our own failures and shortcomings. These downsides do affect our children greatly and sometimes we miss it and don't either pay attention, or dismiss it as "life."




As a child growing up, there are so many things in my past I could point to as the reason or a contributing reason as to why I have gone through some of the challenges I have and for some of the failures I have experienced as a parent. I could create a dynamic case as to why I have had so many shortcomings and that my experiences have lacked an example of what a parent should be like. Not even in the slightest of ways. Even now, when it comes to situations that arise with my children, and not knowing how to address it, going to my parents is not an option for advice. I am sure many can relate. I have been a product of a divorced household as a child, thus creating a changed dynamic to my childhood and my future. Again, so many things I could point to and would justify my previous actions and processes. Now, as a parent, I have done what I feared the most and made my children products of that same divorced household. These are just some of the obstacles we create for our children in our efforts to protect them. Unlike my parents, I, as the father take full responsibility for the fall of my previous marriage. It was not a matter of what I did wrong, it was more so what I did not do right. I lost my battle. Watching my kids through it and since has been a painful experience that I have endured but nothing compared to what they have gone through. Divorce creates so many "other" obstacles for our children and a single family home, even if never married does the same.




Now remarried and trying to establish a foundation for my children, the process has started to make every effort to help heal the pain that was caused. My wife and I had a conversation the other night and we were talking about how God heals us. She talked about a Pastor she heard speak about how when God heals, we will be left with scars to remind us. I quoted a scripture in the Book of Isaiah, 43:25 where God says "I am He that forgives and forgets all sins". To know this scripture is to know that there are no limits to Gods ability. We started to talk about this healing God provides. Do you have scars at times? Yes, you may, but do not limit God's ability to heal and erase. The scripture tells us He forgives and Forgets. To forget is to not have memory or recollection of what happened. Thus not having scars as reminders. In that, I look at my past and the events that have happened and I have some scars for some things and no scars for others. Now because we are not God, we may not be able to forget, but when what happened does not direct your actions going forward, it has been removed. As I watch my kids, I pray daily that I am able to help them get rid of the scars. In talking with my daughter the other day, I shared with her that I know I have not always been the best or done the best as a daddy but everything I do is with her and her brother in mind. I have tried to be the father I didn't have, and be a husband I never witnessed. In that conversation, I truly believe my daughter understood. As my wife and I talked about parenting and what to do to help my children in certain areas as it relates to study habits and helping my daughter with school, I became frustrated. I told my wife that I don't know how to create the environment needed to nurture a healthy study environment that can help her study and encourage a good work ethic. My experience as a child was a do or die situation and I wanted to be the best. I have placed my children in a place where it is not do or die but help is always right there. How do we create something for our children when we don't have experience to fall back on? This is the dilemma of parents every where. How do we avoid creating more obstacles for our children then they already have to endure? How do we mend the scars and re-establish the path we all want for our children?







Simply put, God. As parents we try so many other outlets to find answers and solutions to our problems and situations. God is the creator of all things, and the foundation that parenting is built upon. He loves us without regard to what we do wrong or how far we stray. He is always there and allows us to come to Him no matter what. This is our example on how to be with our children. Love them with out regard to what they do or how often they do it. Going to God for help has changed my whole outlook on parenting and I believe has started the healing process of my scar in that area. I hear so often about parents abusing their kids and the kids who get left for dead, or killed by their parents and I can not understand for the life of me how this could happen. When I physically discipline my children, I get physically ill and hurt because of the pain, fear, and hurt I know they feel. Remember as a child when you were physically disciplined? For that moment, you did not have control of what happened to you. Imagine now as an adult not having control of what is happening to you physically and imagine how a defenseless child feels. When I discipline my children, I take about 10 minutes to re group and go back to them to hold them and talk to them. The discipline may lack effect, but I have to let them know love is first.







So as parents, when we get to that place where challenges knock us off our paths and we realize we don't have the answer to solve the issue, go to God. He will provide the answer, He will create the environment needed to nurture the growth we need. He will also remind us that when we failed Him, He disciplined us, but immediately came back to us to embrace us to show us that love is always first.