Thanksgiving 2011 is here and hard work and love has gone in to getting ready to host our first Thanksgiving and really our first holiday. This year we will not make the usual trip to visit the family due to the new addition to our family. A new son and a awesome blessing from God has grounded us for a short time until he is ready to roll. Staying home, we connected with some close friends/family from here and have worked out what looks to be a great time. This year, after many years of watching I am gearing up to fry a turkey with my new "frying toys" purchased recently. I am looking forward to tasting it and praying desperately it turns out since I don't have a back up plan!! (pray with me please!!)
As I sit here baking a pumpkin pie......FROM SCRATCH!! and putting the seasoning on the turkey, I started thinking about where my life has brought me to and how in the midst of all the hustling and chaos of the holiday season, it has finally hit me that it is not longer about the food, no longer about the gifts coming on Christmas, no longer about what I am getting or all the "stuff" that goes along with the season but it is all about my family. As a child, I can remember thinking to myself that I had no idea what adulthood would bring and was often scared about growing up and nervous to the point I never thought marriage would happen. Mostly, I never thought love could be so amazing. At 36, not only am I married to the most amazing woman I have ever known and who is truly my greatest and best friend. I father 4 of the most unbelievable, outstanding, and loving kids I have ever heard of. I have seen what God's intent behind each of them has been and continues to be and am humbled that God trusted me even as a child to prepare me for this moment. In addition to that, I am honored by the friendships I have been blessed with over the years and the family I have fell in love with who I can always count on. God has truly blessed me and to even say that limits what HE has really done.
Often in life we can get so tied up in the daily routines and become disconnected from the things that life is really about. We become distracted by work, various activities, money, bills, houses, cars, t.v., and so many other things that we lose sight of what God started when HE first created us...family. We all face hard times, pain, tears, losing loved ones, set backs, failures, and a list of things that can pull us down but if your focus is family, those hard times seem a little easier because you're not alone. The tears get dried up by someone next to you who supports you. Your failures become fuel to push harder and achieve greater because of what you are really working for....family. I have already worked in some type of job for over 25 years and I have learned that I can give my job 100% and still be present for my family...every day! God made it clear to me in the beginning that my roll in my family would be a standard I have not seen and require me to sacrifice a great deal. Since then, I can remember that even in a season of great hardships, I was never alone because of my children who lifted me when they didn't even know. I have seen families lose sight of this value and end up divorced and hating one another in a painful way. I have watched children suffer because of the selfishness we often put on display as if it is always just about us. God created family and made it clear that family was very important to Him. In family, selfishness can not live in us because family means you are responsible for watching out for someone else. Family means that there is more than just you, more than just your needs. If we all watch out for the next person in our family you can be confident that someone is watching out for you.
This Thanksgiving, as you sit around the table and break bread with your families, look around at them and remember who they are to you. At times you may have not seen eye to eye and may have been upset with one another but that is still family and in the end, it is family that brings out God's love for us. When Thanksgiving is over and before you get back to the busy life we all live, make a vow to place "family" back in the front of all your "to-do's" and love them like you never have before. If God has allowed you the reward of family and the gift of being a spouse and parent, it is because HE trusted you even as a child, so make sure you be all that you said you would be growing up to the ones HE has placed before you to love and who love you back. THAT is reason enough to give thanks! Be Blessed.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Forgiveness......
Forgiveness, always an interesting and trying topic in our lives as it relates to us forgiving others. God is clear in HIS instructions and that is to "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." This passage from Matthew 6:6-13 tells us to ask God to forgive us as or like, in the same manner as we forgive others. This can become very challenging if forgiveness is not viewed in the right manner and not understood correctly. To say that someones wrong doing to you is "not a problem" or "you have moved on" does not constitute forgiveness. It merely means that you would like to move on however the question is if you have not really forgiven them, can you move on? Can you continue to walk in life without any bitterness to hinder your walk? Can you truly expect God to forgive you if you haven't done so to others?
As a youth I have done many things that have put me in very difficult situations and circumstances. The price I have had to pay for the choices I made have been great and caused a lot of pain in my life. I am the first to admit my wrongs and the first to say I know the consequences I have encountered are do to those choices. I have learned through those choices that I not only hurt myself and my future but I also hurt other friends and family as well. Some to great extent. I have done things as a child to my parents, siblings, friends, and myself that have caused them to question me and for me to question myself. Most of the things that I have done are things that they never even knew of but because of the actions I have done in private from them, it caused me to become a certain way and the result of who I became directly affected them in many ways. My actions caused them to take actions towards me as well and caused an even greater, negative outcome. What I have discovered is that those actions I took as a child caused so much pain to so many and in turn caused me to be hurt that it took years to start the forgiving process in my life, starting with me. It was not until I forgave myself that I could really begin to forgive others. I took responsibility for my actions and knew I was wrong but I made the choices and being angry with myself forever was not going to begin the healing process for me. It would not allow me to become the man God has called me to be if I did not move on. That moving on process started with me forgiving me. Scripture tells us in Matthew 22:39 "and the second (commandment) is you shall love your neighbor as yourself." This simply means that you have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor and to love yourself means to love yourself enough to forgive yourself of the wrongs. Once you love yourself enough to forgive, you can love your neighbor enough to forgive as well.
So for years I spent time forgiving myself of my wrongs and even though a lot of what I did may have been the cause for others to act out towards me, I had to ask for their forgiveness and forgive them as well. It was not until then that I could release the anger and hate I felt inside and become free to be what God has called me to be. In this process, I have also learned that it may take others longer to forgive and move on from the past. It may not be a process they are ready to walk through and this can cause some disconnect. Many times, people do not want to accept who you have become or may have trouble with doing so. Many will continue to see who you "used" to be and never regard who God has turned you in to. Sometimes, they may not believe you have really repented for your sins and have really made that change in your life. When this challenge faces you, how you navigate through it can give you victory or set you back and create bigger issues in your life. We often spend time trying to "convince" others who we are and how we have changed. The problem with trying to convince is you look for an immediate change of belief and since we don't change "overnight" it should not be expected that someone will change their beliefs overnight either. In those same regards, those who should forgive you should trust in God that the change is real and forgive you for what you have done in the past for their own process. Often, people do not forgive others for the past because they judge the present and future based on the past and that can hinder them from growing as well.
Forgiveness is a process and we have to learn how to forgive correctly and that starts with forgiving yourself. Once you forgive others you can no longer hold the past over them, you have to respect them for who they are now, and believe the future will only be better. Forgiving someone releases you and them. When you ask for forgiveness, it tells the other that you want them to know that YOU know you were wrong. This can restore relationships, friends, and families. This is what God intends for us, to be restored and have those relationships. Start the process if there is someone you need to forgive or someone you need to ask for forgiveness. Once you start the process, watch God work and be blessed!!
As a youth I have done many things that have put me in very difficult situations and circumstances. The price I have had to pay for the choices I made have been great and caused a lot of pain in my life. I am the first to admit my wrongs and the first to say I know the consequences I have encountered are do to those choices. I have learned through those choices that I not only hurt myself and my future but I also hurt other friends and family as well. Some to great extent. I have done things as a child to my parents, siblings, friends, and myself that have caused them to question me and for me to question myself. Most of the things that I have done are things that they never even knew of but because of the actions I have done in private from them, it caused me to become a certain way and the result of who I became directly affected them in many ways. My actions caused them to take actions towards me as well and caused an even greater, negative outcome. What I have discovered is that those actions I took as a child caused so much pain to so many and in turn caused me to be hurt that it took years to start the forgiving process in my life, starting with me. It was not until I forgave myself that I could really begin to forgive others. I took responsibility for my actions and knew I was wrong but I made the choices and being angry with myself forever was not going to begin the healing process for me. It would not allow me to become the man God has called me to be if I did not move on. That moving on process started with me forgiving me. Scripture tells us in Matthew 22:39 "and the second (commandment) is you shall love your neighbor as yourself." This simply means that you have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor and to love yourself means to love yourself enough to forgive yourself of the wrongs. Once you love yourself enough to forgive, you can love your neighbor enough to forgive as well.
So for years I spent time forgiving myself of my wrongs and even though a lot of what I did may have been the cause for others to act out towards me, I had to ask for their forgiveness and forgive them as well. It was not until then that I could release the anger and hate I felt inside and become free to be what God has called me to be. In this process, I have also learned that it may take others longer to forgive and move on from the past. It may not be a process they are ready to walk through and this can cause some disconnect. Many times, people do not want to accept who you have become or may have trouble with doing so. Many will continue to see who you "used" to be and never regard who God has turned you in to. Sometimes, they may not believe you have really repented for your sins and have really made that change in your life. When this challenge faces you, how you navigate through it can give you victory or set you back and create bigger issues in your life. We often spend time trying to "convince" others who we are and how we have changed. The problem with trying to convince is you look for an immediate change of belief and since we don't change "overnight" it should not be expected that someone will change their beliefs overnight either. In those same regards, those who should forgive you should trust in God that the change is real and forgive you for what you have done in the past for their own process. Often, people do not forgive others for the past because they judge the present and future based on the past and that can hinder them from growing as well.
Forgiveness is a process and we have to learn how to forgive correctly and that starts with forgiving yourself. Once you forgive others you can no longer hold the past over them, you have to respect them for who they are now, and believe the future will only be better. Forgiving someone releases you and them. When you ask for forgiveness, it tells the other that you want them to know that YOU know you were wrong. This can restore relationships, friends, and families. This is what God intends for us, to be restored and have those relationships. Start the process if there is someone you need to forgive or someone you need to ask for forgiveness. Once you start the process, watch God work and be blessed!!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Does Love Live in You?
I sat here, getting ready to write about "love" and what it means in the various avenues in our lives that we find it. As I sat and pondered the words to write, I was listening to some old Brian McKnight songs and as I listened to the lyrics of one song, "someday, someway, somehow" I thought about relationships and how in the middle of them we can so often lose focus of what it is that brought you together in the first place. People are so quick to run from relationships when things get tough or don't go the way you may have "planned" it and don't let hurt enter the center of it all. That is a sure "love" destroyer for so many and I can only think of one reason...weakness in our own spirit. In the song, Brian McKnight says "we let one fight tear us apart." He goes on to say.."I realized how much I really loved you." These two lines can tell us about our own relationships and where we are as individuals and as a couple. See, one fight ends so many and in the end is when we wake up and realized the love that existed. Why do we wait until the pain hurts so deep to say, "but I really do love you." Or, "don't leave, I can't live without you." In a relationship we should always take action everyday to make sure the other knows just how we feel and how much we love them. If we are not sure how we feel, then we should be upfront about it and figure out what it is that hinders us from releasing that love towards the other person. How does this speak to our own selves and our relationships? Well ask yourself this question, "does my spouse know I love him/her?" If you answer "yes", how? If you feel that because you are there still or you say it from time to time or maybe your actions should tell them so, then I challenge you to search your spirit. Find the weakness of it and discover why you feel that this should be enough when love is not merely an emotion, it is not a feeling, it is an expected action. Love does not live if our actions don't live in and through our words. I can't simply tell my spouse "I love you" if I don't show it daily by my actions. Just as well I can not assume my actions show her I love her if my words don't speak to the actions. My words will let her know my actions are out of my love for her. Love continues to live because my actions live in and through my words.
I know we wait until special days to go all out for this "love" thing and with Valentines Day approaching fast, stores will be sold out of flowers, candy, cards, and even a wine or two. Restaurants will be overfilled with patrons taking that special someone out to dinner and "showing them" they love them. The next day, they may smile and comment about the night before and laugh enjoying the memory but the next day will the actions continue to live? Why do we wait for these days to express what we assume the other should know anyways? We have been programed for years to believe that it is these "special" days that makes up for everyday in between. The problem with that is the days in between consist of the fights that break you up because the actions for love have been dead and the words have been absent. Love is ongoing.
What if God did us like this? What if God only yelled out HE loves us when we are ready to leave and go away from HIM? What if God only showed us HE loves us on Christmas or Easter. Maybe your birthday? What if God told us HE didn't realize how much HE really loved us like Brian McKnight's song after we left HIS presence? We don't expect God to do this to us and God does not expect us to do it to each other. Should it be expected since we do God like that? God is love and if we desire to seek HIM and become like HIM then it is true that we are to become love. In that we will find that love will breathe in us and through us by our actions and live in our words. We can no longer allow our weaknesses to control our relationships and our life of love. Our weakness? It is the fear of exposing our hearts to someone not knowing if they will expose it to us. God gave HIS son to die for us, exposing HIS heart to us. In that, HE still gave us the choice to choose if we expose ours to HIM. This love covers family as well. Above all things Love should be the direction we all go when it comes to the choices we make as it relates to our family. Let love live in and through you and expose yourself to the one you love. Love is so amazing and so pure, so strong and so powerful. We should all learn to exercise it like the song says..."someday, someway, somehow."
Be Blessed
I know we wait until special days to go all out for this "love" thing and with Valentines Day approaching fast, stores will be sold out of flowers, candy, cards, and even a wine or two. Restaurants will be overfilled with patrons taking that special someone out to dinner and "showing them" they love them. The next day, they may smile and comment about the night before and laugh enjoying the memory but the next day will the actions continue to live? Why do we wait for these days to express what we assume the other should know anyways? We have been programed for years to believe that it is these "special" days that makes up for everyday in between. The problem with that is the days in between consist of the fights that break you up because the actions for love have been dead and the words have been absent. Love is ongoing.
What if God did us like this? What if God only yelled out HE loves us when we are ready to leave and go away from HIM? What if God only showed us HE loves us on Christmas or Easter. Maybe your birthday? What if God told us HE didn't realize how much HE really loved us like Brian McKnight's song after we left HIS presence? We don't expect God to do this to us and God does not expect us to do it to each other. Should it be expected since we do God like that? God is love and if we desire to seek HIM and become like HIM then it is true that we are to become love. In that we will find that love will breathe in us and through us by our actions and live in our words. We can no longer allow our weaknesses to control our relationships and our life of love. Our weakness? It is the fear of exposing our hearts to someone not knowing if they will expose it to us. God gave HIS son to die for us, exposing HIS heart to us. In that, HE still gave us the choice to choose if we expose ours to HIM. This love covers family as well. Above all things Love should be the direction we all go when it comes to the choices we make as it relates to our family. Let love live in and through you and expose yourself to the one you love. Love is so amazing and so pure, so strong and so powerful. We should all learn to exercise it like the song says..."someday, someway, somehow."
Be Blessed
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